RUN, FORREST, RUN!  (Forrest Gump, 1994)

Welcome back to SOLO AT SIXTY!

Not only is Labor Day weekend the last opportunity to wear white shoes and white pants and the kickoff for College Football (my Heels hit a bump in the road Saturday), it always includes the Charlottesville Women’s 4 Miler. A race with 3000+ women runners (including me) in a sea of pink (or acac lime green team shirts – we want to stand out!).

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to run. I am addicted to it (like I am to seashells). I have broken both wrists running – one as a result of a heat stroke in a 10-miler race, and one running (and falling) on ice. Crazy. My mother once said to me “I think there’s a message there…”  I did not get that message. But running (sensibly) is such good exercise, and it’s my best “thinking” time. It is also prayer time for family and friends. But as much as I love running, I hate races. Yes, I run races, but I hate them. It is kinda like childbirth – if not for having amnesia after delivering your first child, there would only be single children families in this world. Same for races – after you cross that finish line you are on a high and develop amnesia and start thinking about the next race. Perfect example: my kids, son-in-law and I ran a 4-miler in Chapel Hill last April. As soon as that race was over, amnesia took effect and we signed up for it again next year! Why do I hate races? I put too much stress on myself. Yes, this one is only 4 miles and I have run 10-milers and half-marathons, but still… I start out too fast, zigzagging in and out of runners to find an open space. Too claustrophobic being in the midst of all those runners. I just want to cross that finish line!

Chapel Hill 4 miler (2)

“Running reminds you that even in your weakest moments… you are strong.”

This past Saturday was the 35th Women’s 4 Miler in Charlottesville. I cannot remember how many W4M races I have run. My middle child runs it with me. We are a mother/daughter team – “RUN LIKE MAD”. We even won the mother/daughter pennant one year! This race is organized to the hilt. The moment you drive into the race site your car never stops, or one of the male volunteers (yes TONS of men volunteer) will kindly YELL at you to keep moving – no time to chitchat here. You also line up in a very organized, yet noisy manner (remember: 3000 women all chatting) with walkers at the back and runners separated by pace. Just 4 miles and done! Thank heavens! Then it is time for all the snacks and prizes. Last weekend, thanks to Hurricane Harvey, it rained on us. And it was cold. Remember, I like to run in the heat. But we persevered. Capris and short sleeves – wished I had long sleeves and GLOVES! Could not wait to take a hot shower afterwards!

“In the end, it’s your run and yours alone. Others can run it with you but no one can run it for you. Embrace it. Be strong. Keep moving forward.”

For the last 6 years, I have run this race in memory of my sweet childhood friend, Luanne Mahannah Hinshaw, who died October 22, 2011, after a courageous battle with cancer. And when I hit that painful point in the race, I think of all she went through to extend her life, how hard she fought, and I push on to the finish. The Women’s 4 Miler is mainly a fundraiser for breast cancer, and even though Luanne did not have breast cancer, cancer is cancer. She did so much for me from elementary school all the way through high school, and this is one thing I can do for her. We met when I was in 2nd grade, Luanne in 3rd. Our parents were friends. They went square dancing together. They would “allemande left and promenade home” while we all played together outside the dance hall. Our families vacationed together at Surfside Beach (I have now come full-circle at this beach) and after they stopped, I took her on my family beach trips and she took me on hers. And y’all, we were BOY CRAZY! We had so much fun every summer at the baseball fields, the beach, the Jonestown Pool, and just hanging out (wherever the boys were!). Even though she was only 2 months older than me, she was a year ahead in school. She was a cheerleader first and taught me every West Forsyth Cheer. If not for her, I would never have been a cheerleader. The last time I saw Luanne, I was taking Mom home from celebrating her birthday at the beach. Mom and Luanne shared the same birthday, so we stopped by Luanne’s to say happy birthday. There she was, mowing her yard on a riding mower with a fleece cap on her head looking beautiful as always. She died a month later. Luanne would have celebrated her 60th birthday this September 16th.

W4M Race
Race in memory of Luanne…

Speaking of cancer, I had my 2nd colonoscopy last week, and it was no more fun than the first one I had 10 years ago. But this is something you gotta do, and now I’m off the hook for another 10 years. I breathed a sigh of relief when the doc said all was good. Was I worried? Yes. Now that I am SOLO, I am solely responsible for my health and taking care of myself. The worst part? Drinking that nasty gallon of cold PREP! I was freezing while I drank it! I got in bed, cut my mattress warmer on high, had an electric blanket wrapped around me and still shivered. And gagged with every swallow. I could share the photos, but I will leave that up to your imagination (and my editor vetoed these photos). This is important y’all. Once you turn 50 you need to do this. And again when you turn 60. (NO I am NOT 60 yet!)

“Running away from your problems is a race you will never win.”

One more thing. I had CPR and AED (automated external defibrillator) training last week. It is required for all acac team members, even the bean counters. For years, we have been taught by the famous JOE! Someone once said if you have a heart attack, acac is the place to be – everyone is CPR trained! Once a year we get “up close and intimate” with a dummy – giving mouth to mouth (2 breaths) and compressing his chest (30 reps). I always leave class feeling as if I could save a life! I am ready to do more than just call 911. And then the following week I second guess myself. My hope is that if I ever find myself in a situation where someone is choking or CPR is required, I will know what to do and can help. Just hope they are not much bigger or taller than me! Our team has literally saved lives in our clubs. Not me, but other brave team members.

So get out there y’all! Run YOUR race. Find what makes you happy. Have all of those preventive/diagnostic tests. It may save your life. And not a bad idea to get CPR certified – you might find yourself saving a life one day.

And lastly, here’s hoping Hurricane Irma takes a big turn out to sea. Prayers for all of those in her path.

Have a great week! Next week’s post will come to you live from NYC!

Best,

Leslie

“We are Fam-i-ly… I’ve got all my sisters with me” (Sister Sledge, 1979)

And Momma, brother-in-law, my 3 kids, son-in-law, nephew, his wife and sweet Baby Jack. Twelve of us!

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

What a wonderful weekend. I was at the beach, and I had my whole family with me. Yes, everyone who is immediately related to me was there. Life doesn’t get any better than this, y’all! Family is what it is all about.

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you as you are to them.”  Desmond Tutu

We had a “Family Reunion” of sorts. We all made a special effort to go to Surfside Beach for a long weekend. Now that the kids are grown, it is not easy juggling so many different schedules, jobs, responsibilities, and driving distances to get everyone together. We celebrated my great nephew, Baby Jack’s 1st birthday, a week late, and Mom’s 88th birthday a couple of weeks early. We spent time on the beach, searched for and collected a boatload of wonderful shells, walked, strolled Baby Jack, talked, laughed, reminisced about our childhoods and those of all the kids, went out to dinner, and celebrated with a big dinner at my house Saturday night.

Sunday morning we had a family photo shoot. This time it was not me setting up the tripod, trying to get the timer set on the camera, and rushing back to my place in the pose. We had a professional photographer. After all, we need a good family portrait, pictures for Christmas cards, and photos to commemorate our time together! 9 am sharp – everyone was all dolled up, hair and makeup done, looking very stylish and groomed for our family portraits. I mean you would have thought we were having GLAMOUR SHOTS taken! (I know some of y’all had those done – I did!) So we go to the beach for the pictures, and trust me, we did not need a wind machine to get the blowing hair look. I think we had 50+ mph winds blowing. Even my brother-in-law’s short hair was standing up!

Leslie Family vacation

WHEW!  After all that posing and modeling (and fighting the wind) we were starving. Headed to the pier, or what is left of it after Hurricane Matthew last October, for brunch outside at Surf Diner. They will be rebuilding this pier, thank heavens.

“No family is perfect. We argue. We fight. We even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is family. The love will always be there.”

Our family is not perfect. We have not always gotten along. As kids, my sisters and I did not necessarily like each other. There are 5 years between us. That is a big age difference for kids. When my parents were backing out of the driveway to take my older sister to college, I was not out there waving goodbye like all the neighbors were (she was the first one to leave for college). No, I was moving my clothes and worldly possessions into her room! For the first time in my life I was getting a room to myself – being the middle child I always had to share a room with one of my sisters. And then there was the time my younger sister told this “troublesome” story to Mom about something she said I did, when actually, SHE was the one who had done it – NOT me! Yes, there have been some rough patches in our relationships and times we disagreed on things in a big way and were not speaking to each other. But no matter what, there’s nothing we would not do for each other. We are close. I have felt closer to, and depended on my sisters (and brother-in-law) this past year more than any other time in my life. But then again, tragedy in any manner always brings families closer.

My kids share a special relationship with each other. There are only 3 years separating them. They have been friends since birth. When they were in high school, the “senior” would drive the “freshman” to school. That was a great bonding experience for them. I remember my oldest daughter waiting patiently (NOT) on her younger sister, to leave for school. Three years later, my son (the youngest) would have the old Subaru warmed up, windshield scraped, sitting in it ready to roll… waiting on his sister to come out and drive them. Time was not as important to the middle child as it was to the oldest and youngest! They were in the same clubs in high school. Played some of the same sports. My son made the Varsity soccer team as a freshman and played with his sister’s senior guy friends who “took him in”. This was fun for both of them. My kids actually “liked” each other as well as loved each other and still do. For this I am so thankful. I have always stressed to them how important siblings are. And as y’all know, I adore and respect my kids and am so proud and thankful for the adults they have become. And I would do anything for them. Well, except allow dogs at the beach house. I have been in the dog house for that one!

“Being a family means you are part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.”

I want my children to know that I will always be there for them and they should be there for each other. They will always be loved more than they can ever imagine (until they have a child of their own). I asked my nephew and his wife this weekend if they ever thought they could love anyone/anything as much as they love Jack. No, they said. And they said they struggled to imagine how they could ever love another baby as much as they love Jack. I assured them that we’ve all experienced those same feelings and doubts. I told them that I even talked to my pediatrician about this same thing 30 years ago! And that as soon as my second child was born, all those loving feelings flooded over me once again. And again 3 years later with my third child. It is amazing. It is a love like no other. I remember my sweet Aunt Jewelle once telling me, “you can replace a husband, but you can never replace your child.” So true.

baby jack beach
Sweet Baby Jack loves the beach!

Our little family unit changed dynamics last year. I would have done anything for this NOT to have happened to my children. But it did. And we adapted. We are there for each other, talk to each other, and have fun things planned together. Life goes on.

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.”

Yes, there are friends who are as close to family as blood relatives. When we moved to Charlottesville, we knew no one. Not a soul. We were used to doing so much with my family who all lived within 10 minutes of us in NC. Saturday night dinner? Family cook out. Need a babysitter? Family right there. Where to sit in church? On the Holcomb family pew of course. Bless their heart if someone sat on OUR pew! All of a sudden I found myself in a big ocean without my floaties on! Luckily for me, most of my neighbors, especially my next door neighbors, were all without family locally too. So we became each other’s family. I remember one time I was traveling to Winston-Salem to a regional NCAA basketball tournament game where Carolina was playing (of course!). Got about 2 hours down the road and realized I did not have my basketball tickets. What to do? I called my next door neighbor who went into my house and found them right there on the kitchen island. And what did she say? “Where are you? OK. Turn around and I’ll start driving and meet you halfway.” And she did. No hesitation. We talked for about an hour on the phone until we actually met in the middle. How selfless was that?!? Another neighbor took my 2 younger kids home from elementary school one fall day while I was at the doctor’s office with my oldest, because the schools closed early due to flooding. (Nothing like the flooding in Houston – bless their hearts!). My daughter said “I think I just heard schools closed early on the radio” that was playing in the doctor’s office. “No way – it’s not snowing!” (Snow is the only reason schools closed in NC – even a dusting would close schools.) So I did not think about it at all until I got home and found out my kids were with my neighbors. I had wonderful neighbors.

“Family… Like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.”

I am so thankful for our family weekend together. Eleven of us plus the baby. And as my Grandmother Isabel used to say, and Mom now says, if it weren’t for her, none of us would be here. So True! I remember my Grandmother in her later, alzheimer-ridden years asking me “Who’re your people?” to which I always responded “YOU’RE my people!” These were MY people, all of them, together this weekend. And I treasure and love them dearly.

So let “your people” know how much they mean to you. Don’t wait until it is too late. Make the effort to get together. These are the people who share your history. Your roots. Who love you and who you love unconditionally.

See you next week!

Best,

Leslie

“Old Days… Good times I remember…” Chicago, 1975

This morning, the school busses rolled out for a new school year. Remember the excitement of a new school year? All those new supplies, new backpack, new lunchbox. Wait, we did not have backpacks nor lunchboxes back in the day. We carried our books in our arms, and our lunch was in a brown paper bag! Right? It was my kids who always had new backpacks and lunchboxes, and of course new clothes. Oh, and Trapper Keepers! Well, more exciting than that is your high school reunion!

The Barn at Tanglewood Park, Clemmons, NC. A place we hung out in high school. Oh, the stories that could be told (but won’t)! Last weekend, I attended my 41st high school reunion. I know – usually there are only class reunions for years that end with a “0” or “5”. That is, unless you are part of a very special group of “old” friends. Thankfully, I am part of such a special group! The West Forsyth High School classes of ‘75, ‘76, and ‘77 from Clemmons, NC, who decided it is important at our age to have reunions every year. I reconnected with people I had not seen in 41 years, and those I have been fortunate enough to see or connect with via social media during this past year. I hope we continue with this tradition.

“Catching up with friends is like re-opening your favorite gift.”

I loved high school. I was a good student. And I was a varsity cheerleader. I was part of a group of wonderful girls who spent a lot of time together almost year round. Summers were filled with practices and cheerleading camps. Boy, were our summer practices fun since the football team was also having practice. And yes… I dated a football player. He was a senior, I was a junior. When school started, we practiced twice a week and had football games every Friday night (remember Friday Night Lights? That was US!). Winter brought basketball games every Tuesday and Friday. (My football player also played basketball. No wonder I loved being a cheerleader!) Our squad was GREAT! We won awards. We won trophies. We performed stunts 3 girls high. I’m surprised none of us have had knee replacements as we had one stunt where we literally dropped on our knees.  No fear. Now, my knees do creak and I am terrified of heights! Sidebar: While having dinner with a very tall friend (15 inches taller than me), I mentioned something about being so careful and a bit afraid, now that I am SOLO, when I get on step stools or ladders. He asked why I was always on a step stool – DUH – to reach anything! I am 5’2” after all. He never has that problem.

I carpooled to school with fellow cheerleaders. On my days to drive, 5 of us piled into my tiny Orange Honda Civic 2-door hatchback with NO A/C (but it did have a cassette player), and headed to school. Several years ago, after reconnecting on Facebook, we had a cheerleader reunion of sorts at Myrtle Beach. 39 years after leaving high school we met as adults (well sorta) and caught up. It was as if we had not been apart throughout the years. We have since stayed in touch through emails and Facebook. We have seen each other retire, have grandchildren, move, end relationships, and begin new ones. And we are getting together again soon!

“Remember the most valuable antiques are dear old friends.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

We grow up. Live our lives. Grow our families. Build our careers. Make new friends. Yet we have such a history with those sweet “young” people from our high school years. Those wonderfully carefree, innocent, fun years before we HAD to grow up. Before we had jobs. Mortgages. Responsibilities. Before life became real. Last weekend we all went BACK in time and celebrated those “Wonder Years” together. I had a BLAST! Spent the afternoon with a very special group of ladies that I treasure being a part of. Lots of laughter, sharing, and WINE! Facetimed with one of “the group” who could not be there – she was in St. Croix (life is rough…). And I cannot repeat her advice to us for the night in case my mother or kids are reading this!

reunion girls (2)
Special Girlfriends!

Then it was time to go to the reunion. The excitement of seeing who might be there. We had fun! Lots of fun! Lots of memories shared – pep rallies, football games, basketball games, baseball games, homecomings, proms. Who dated who? Some are still together after all of these years. Impressive. They know the secret. Some classmates re-met and married after reuniting at previous reunions. And what a difference a year makes. At last year’s reunion, I was newly separated, though I did not tell anyone. Not because it was a secret, but because I did not want our reunion to be about my broken heart. But life goes on. This year was a completely different story. I have come so far – as I was told, I have “survived and thrived”. And I am happy. Over the past year I shared my newfound status with many of my high school friends, and thankfully, due to my blog (which I learned so many classmates are reading!) most were aware of my new status: SOLO. I only had to tell one special “old” friend because he is not on social media and had no clue. Yes he was dumbfounded like everyone else has been. But the biggest surprise to me? As I hugged many of the guys, they whispered in my ear that they are reading my blog (among other things haha!)! That never occurred to me! I have no way of knowing who is reading my blog. So here’s to all y’all! Thank you!

“Ah, how good it feels. The hand of an old friend.”  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

So… the organizer of our reunion told me a week earlier that he had a present for me. I love presents! What could it be? Something from high school? That was a bit scary. No! So much better than that! Background – I became a Carolina fan in the 5th grade. How did this happen? And Why? Well, this kid in my class wrote a poem about Carolina Basketball and Charlie Scott (first African American to receive a scholarship to play basketball at UNC). I loved that poem. Everyone did. The teacher had him read the poem to every 5th grade class. That was my introduction to college sports – Carolina basketball, to be exact. Remember, I come from a family of girls – no sports in our family. But I started watching Carolina basketball games on TV with my Dad (also played cards with him) to see what it was all about. I fell in love! And have loved my Tar Heels since. Oh what about the present? Well the kid who wrote the poem is the organizer of our reunion for the last 2 years. Going through some old stuff, he found an old Carolina Tar Heel print signed by none other than Charlie Scott – and he gave it to me. Made me cry. Another UNC memento to be framed for my office. He is one special friend! And truly a great guy.

Charlie Scott

I am a hugger. If you get within a foot of me, beware because most likely you will be hugged. I hugged so many old friends last weekend. It did my heart good to see and hug all the beautiful people at our reunion. Old boyfriends. Old best friends. Old crushes. New crushes. Classmates who were once just acquaintances and are now friends. Gosh what a beautiful group of people! We have aged well. When I look at these “old” friends, I don’t see people approaching 60. I don’t see wrinkles, bald heads, pot bellies, or gray hair (I do LOVE gray hair!). I see sweet, beautiful, 17 year-old faces of people with whom I shared my youth. Those fun filled years.

I am so thankful to be able to see those friendly faces of long ago. Classmates that maybe you did not know as well back in the day, you now bond with. We are adults. Life has changed all of us, hopefully for the better. These are people that make me wish I lived closer to them. That make me want to go back to NC more often. And people I long to keep in touch with.

“Enjoy yourself. These are the good old days you are going to miss in the years ahead.”

One more thing… My reunion definitely “eclipsed” the Eclipse! (funny right?) But I hope you got to view it because you won’t get a chance again until 2024. I got glasses while at the beach last week. Also, things have settled back down in Charlottesville. Hopefully, “LOVE” will put us back in the spotlight in a much softer manner. Ok that was 2 things. Maybe 3 – funny story here… my girlfriend from work and I walked downtown yesterday and she took my picture with the glasses. However, with the eclipse glasses on you can’t see a thing. Nothing, nada, total darkness (except the eclipse!). So I had them on and was saying, “Did you take the picture? Hello! Was it ok? Did you take my picture? Are you there?” Took the glasses off and she was off to the side dying laughing because I looked like a fool there with my glasses on and all the people around us eating lunch on the downtown mall, looking at me like was crazy! What are friends for?!? And notice that I said “take” my picture, not “make” my picture!

LOVE 1 (2)
Notice the ECLIPSE glasses!

Go to your reunions. Connect with and cherish old friends. Relive your youth, if only for a night. Don’t take anyone or anything for granted – including tomorrow.

See you next week when I will share another reunion. A family reunion!

Best,

Leslie

A Free Day? What is that?!?!

Welcome back to Solo at Sixty!

This past Saturday I found myself at loose ends. For the first time in… umm… forever, I had nothing planned! Remember, I love routine, and am a huge planner. Yet here I was, not at work and not at the beach. I have worked a lot these past 15 months, often on the weekends as well. Working was good for keeping me busy and keeping my mind off of things in my personal life. But now I am past that stage. I no longer need the distraction. But this was a new thing – a total day off with nothing scheduled! What to do? After Friday night’s impromptu protest on the campus of UVA, and the predicted “unrest” for our downtown area, I decided it would be wise to skip my normal Saturday routine of going downtown to the Farmers’ Market and running through UVA. Good move on my part! For anyone who did not have their TV on last weekend, our lovely city of Charlottesville was invaded by a hateful group opposed to the City’s decision to move the Robert E. Lee statue out of Emancipation Park (formerly known as Lee Park) in downtown Charlottesville. I will not go into the politics of these decisions, nor give value to these violent protests. Just saying that our lovely city was dealt a black eye. And it affected my Saturday routine as well as all the downtown businesses and restaurants.

I decided to take a cycle class away from the Downtown area instead of running, and when I got to the studio, I asked if the rope wall yoga class after cycle was full. Lucky me! There was one spot left and it had my name written all over it! Sidebar: When my son was little, the kids and I were back-to-school shopping at the mall, circling the parking lot several times before we finally found an open spot. I said “that spot has our name written all over it.” To which my son said, “where?!?! I don’t see our name anywhere!” Kids are so literal.

“Each person deserves a day in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares that will not withdraw from us.” Maya Angelou

If you remember my first blog, I mentioned how much I like yoga but never seem to find time for it. Well, Saturday I had time. Plenty of time. I love the yoga teacher and I love the rope wall. It is such a different yoga experience. I could actually talk to my neighbors without getting the evil eye from all the yogis! As a matter of fact, we were encouraged to talk to and help our neighbors with positions and poses. If you have never experienced yoga on the rope wall, it is wonderful for getting into deep poses as you have stability from the ropes, while gravity pulls you into position. I love inversions (upside down – like my life last year) and my favorite position is the STARFISH (upside down with arms and legs outstretched – my kids vetoed this picture!). It reminds me of the beach. PLUS, my girlfriends and I always joked that when our spouses were out-of-town, we could sleep like starfish. One of the benefits of being SOLO is sleeping like a starfish all the time!

 

Lucky me again! As I was leaving the studio after cycle and yoga, a farmer’s market was set up right across the way. I bought peaches, zucchini, and eggplant to supplement the veggies from my garden for the week. Well, actually for the short week, as I am at my happy place (BEACH) the rest of this week until my reunion this weekend. More on that later.

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.”  Mandy Hale

So what to do now? Cycle, Yoga, Farmers’ Market. Done. Sitting in my car having the smoothie I had made to enjoy after cycle, (not knowing it would be 2 hours later after yoga too) I pondered my dilemma of what to do with this “me time.” I headed to the nail salon to get a pedicure and yes, I chose the Essie color “WIFE GOES ON”! (It is now my favorite color – even bought a bottle of it to have on hand.) While being pampered with the pedicure, I watched with dismay, disbelief, and horror, the national news about what was going on downtown, barely a mile away from me. This was NOT my Charlottesville! My daughter works at a vineyard a few weekends a month, so I texted a friend about going out there to see her, far away from downtown. My friend and her husband picked me up and off we went. We got a bottle of wine, bread and cheese, and sat outside and enjoyed the serenity and beautiful views of the VA mountains. We were joined by my friends’ son, his girlfriend and her lovely friends who were in Charlottesville, visiting for the first time. We assured them how special and beautiful Charlottesville is, as evidenced by the views at King Family, not by what was going on downtown. Unfortunately, their dinner reservations were cancelled as most of the restaurants in Downtown Charlottesville closed due to the actions of the “visitors” to our town. So they visited with us instead. Nothing like surrounding yourself with a group of beautiful, fun, young people to lift your spirits! There was a lot of laughter and a lot of wine consumed! And actually, I think those young people enjoyed hanging out with us “old folks”!

Speaking of beautiful, fun, young people – oh wait, these people will not be young, but they will be beautiful to me! I am heading to my 41st high school reunion this weekend. Remember in last week’s blog I mentioned that we now have a reunion every year? We need to cherish every chance we get to spend time with “old” friends. Hopefully I will have a lot to share next week about the reunion.

“Allow yourself to rest. Your soul speaks to you in the quiet moments in between your thoughts.”

As I said before, I am such a planner that rarely do I have days with nothing to do. I usually find myself at the beach on these weekends, but my older daughter was in town Thursday night before heading to NC Friday for a wedding. Not missing a chance to spend time with my kids! My calendar is already scheduled out to December with beach trips, a trip to NYC, football tailgating weekends, parties, weddings, trips to visit my family and friends, plus I do work one weekend a month to get my financials out. So finding myself free was a bit disconcerting. But it was a wonderful day spent doing just what I wanted. Another perk of being SOLO!

“Sometimes, the best “action” is to be still. Take time to breathe into the wind, focus on the horizon, and look inside for the answers. There will be time enough for getting busy.”  M. B. Moss

What did Sunday bring, you ask? Don’t! No, just kidding. It was a good day as well. I headed downtown to my office early morning and along the way I noticed that the police presence was still very much in sight. State police as well as local police. But there were also people running, walking, having brunch outside. Restaurants were open and business was thriving. Our church service was dedicated to the horror our city had witnessed the day before, and was very comforting. Since I will be off to the beach for the latter half of this week, I went back to the office after church before heading home mid-afternoon to pick those last veggies in my garden and sit on my back porch watching a Hallmark movie and working on my blog. Life goes on.

I have realized that we all need to take (or make) time for ourselves. And we need to make the most of every day because we never know what tomorrow may bring.

Here’s to you West Forsyth Classes of ‘75 ‘76 ‘77! I cannot wait to see your beautiful faces this weekend!

Best,

Leslie

Good Grief Charlie Brown…

Welcome back to Solo at Sixty…

Warning… this week’s post is NOT going to be lighthearted. I had planned to discuss this topic much later in the year, but recent events have forced it front and center. I lost a friend one week ago today, suddenly and unexpectedly. On March 1st, a friend, a very special young mother lost her hard fought battle with cancer. Another friend lost her first born son a month ago. I have been to 2 funerals this year and am going to another one tomorrow night. These families are heartbroken. Why were these adored mothers and this precious child taken from their families? I have no answers. How will those left behind pick up the pieces and go on? Because as callous as it might seem, life does go on.

I remember being in the ICU with my Dad back in 2000. My sisters and I were dealing with the pain and sorrow of knowing we were losing our Dad, and yet when we looked outside the hospital window, people were going about their daily lives: going to lunch, going for walks, laughing and talking. Their lives were going on in normal fashion while our lives were at a devastating standstill. My dear neighbor called to check on me and I told her how hard I found this. Her wise advice? “Let this be a comfort to you – life does go on.” It is true. I have been so saddened by these recent losses, yet I have continued to go to work, to run, to get my hair cut – all everyday occurrences. My life was carrying on while my friends’ families have planned funerals and tried to figure out how they will go on.

“When someone you love has passed away, never look down to the floor with sadness. Instead, keep your head held high and look to the heavens, for that is where your heart has been sent to heal itself and those who have passed will live inside our hearts forever.”  Dave Hodges

Young people think they are immortal. When death enters their world, it is nearly impossible for them to comprehend. Each of my three children lost friends in high school due to cancer and car accidents. They and their friends were affected by these tragic, unimaginable deaths. And as I witnessed the extreme emotional pain of the young people at the recent funeral of my friend’s college aged son, I wondered how this loss will affect them. Will they appreciate life in a different way? Will they seek to help others? Will they strive to make the world a better place?

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” Queen Elizabeth II

When you attend the funeral of a family member or a friend, don’t you always say to everyone, “let’s not wait until the next funeral to get together?” Yet we don’t make that effort to get together. Why do we wait? My high school class now has a reunion each year. I am not missing these. We have lost too many of our friends and classmates. I want to spend time with these dear “old” friends from my carefree high school years, if only for a couple of hours once a year. Besides, we then keep up via social media, and I treasure that connection.

“Grief is really just love…it is all the love you want to give but cannot…All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”  Jamie Anderson

Grief is not limited to losing the people we love. It also extends to pets. This week alone, 3 of my “Facebook” friends’ pets crossed over the “Rainbow Bridge.” As I understand it, this is a special place just this side of heaven for those pets who will wait for their owners so they can cross over into heaven together. Honestly, I do not know first hand the pain of losing a pet, but I have witnessed this pain with my sisters and several very close friends. Their grief was gut-wrenching. My younger sister is downsizing her stable of horses, finding good homes for 2 of her beloved friends. She is grieving this loss. My heart breaks for her. Not all loss is the result of a death.

Grief is the response to the loss of someone or something beloved. A marriage, a friendship, a job, a home. Becoming “SOLO” so unexpectedly put me in a state of grief. I read somewhere “One of the hardest things you will ever have to do is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.” Today should be my 37th wedding anniversary. It was not meant to be. It is also the wedding anniversary of the friend I lost last week and her dear husband. Again, it is not to be. And again, life goes on.

“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.”

One corner of my bulletin board at work is dedicated to the memory of some special people who are no longer with us – a dear friend’s son, my “adopted dad” (special father of a special friend), his granddaughter (young mother mentioned above), and another friend’s husband. I keep these there to remind me daily to never take life, nor anyone for granted. Because, truly, we never know what tomorrow might bring. Several years ago, my sweet childhood friend lost her battle with cancer. She was told she had 3 months to live when her only child was getting married in 4 months. How unfair is that? Believe me she battled that cancer and lived to see him get married plus another year. However, she did not live long enough to experience the wonder of becoming a grandmother to her 2 precious grandchildren. Where is the fairness there? She would have been a wonderful grandmother! There are no answers. Only heartache and again the realization that life goes on. We must have faith in tomorrow.

bb 2 (2)
My Memory Corner…

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison

Do we ever truly get over these devastating losses? The times when we doubt we will be able to make it through the next hour, much less the next day? Yes. I believe that one day we will find that we are smiling again. Enjoying life. I truly believe that we will recover and find our way back, but that we will never be the person we were before. We will be better versions of ourselves. More caring, more compassionate, and more loving. It is the circle of life. I had the opportunity to visit with my college friends yesterday, their children, and their beautiful grandchildren….the circle of life.

Hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them. I never end a conversation with my kids without telling them I love them. And I mean it, more than they will ever know. Appreciate life, your friends, your loved ones. Be thankful for today. Keep your faith. Have hope. Be kind.

“Life is precious and when you’ve lost a lot of people, you realize each day is a gift.” Meryl Streep

I love and appreciate all y’all,

Best,

Leslie

I’ve Got A CRUSH…

(REPRINTING AN OLDIE BUT GOODIE!  I WAS AT THE BEACH LAST WEEK WITH ALL OF MY KIDS, AND ALL OF MY KIDS WERE READING BOOKS… ENJOY!)

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

“Open a new chapter in your life. Stop reading the old ones.”

I have to tell you about my secret crush. He is smart, handsome, tall, and very successful (he went to law school right here in Charlottesville at UVA!). We meet twice a year in the aisles of a bookstore, once in the Spring and again in the Fall when he comes to town. His words hold me over in between meetings. I have introduced him to my wonderful children and they, too are enchanted with him. I mean, how can you not be? He is humble, funny, entertaining and so very good looking. See for yourself!

dbald 1

That’s right, my crush is one of my favorite authors, David Baldacci, and every time he is in Charlottesville or Richmond, I go see him speak and get a few (bags full) of his books signed. I like to think he knows me by name by now (our relationship has been going on for 20+ years), or at least remembers the “bag lady” contributing to his early carpel tunnel with the load of books I always ask him to personally autograph. I give these as gifts – to my kids (building their libraries), my sister, my nephew, my friends, my boss. I used to give one to my Mom until I realized she was not reading books anymore. Which is so sad as my Mother is the one who instilled the love of books in me.

“We lose ourselves in books… we find ourselves there too.”

I am a fast reader and come by this honestly as my mother and my late Aunt Jewelle (mom’s only sister) read books with one eye on each page. My best reading time? At the BEACH of course. I can devour several books in a beach trip. Read 3 books last week at the beach, plus the entire “Our State” magazine (wonderful, rich NC magazine) which qualifies as a book to me. I love it when I am at the beach with my kids and I look down the line of us in our beach chairs and everyone is reading. I consider myself the book mobile for our beach trips as I never go to the beach without at least 2 BIG bags of books. After all, you must be prepared for different reading moods. Mystery? Murder? Romance? Comedy? I love them all! The only types of book I have a hard time reading are nonfiction and self-help. UGH, maybe I should work on that!

“Don’t close the book when bad things happen in your life, just turn the page and begin a new chapter.”

Ever wonder why you can’t get the book you want at the library? Sorry about that! Right now I have 13 new best sellers and 2 audio books checked out from the library, and 31 book titles on reserve. I go online and reserve book titles as soon as I see a new book is coming out. Books are my friends and the library is where I go to meet them. “You wanna go where everybody knows your name… and they’re always glad you came.” (Cheers)  Yes, the librarians know my name (and I love that!). And I like the feel of the actual book – I never took to the Kindle. Not that there is anything wrong with the Kindle!

As I said, I usually get my books from the library. But there are some authors, in addition to my crush, whose books I will always purchase, like Dorothea Benton Frank. I LOVE her and her books! They are great summer reads and take place in the low country – Charleston, Sullivan’s Island, Isle of Palms, etc. Every May or June, Dorothea comes to Litchfield Beach to sign her books. My sister and I always try to see her there, but if we miss her, we’ll make the trip to Mount Pleasant, SC to get our copies signed – any excuse to go to the Charleston area. I also saw her speak at the Festival of the Book in Charlottesville several years ago. I got there early and had the opportunity to speak with her personally. Asked about her book that would be coming out the next month, “Last of the Original Wives”, and about the main character and she said the character’s name was Leslie Anne… Well… I about DIED right there as MY name is LESLIE ANNE! Leslie (in the book) was married to a man named Wesley. Sidebar: When I was in college, my brother in law set me up with a fellow teacher/coach at Bishop McGuinness High school. I had a good time on that date, but told the guy that relationship would not go far as his last name was Pressley and I would never be Leslie Pressley!

 

“Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there’s more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter of hurt, and never re-read it. It’s time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the things that don’t deserve you. Don’t try to fix what’s been broken in your past, let your future create something better.” (Trent Shelton)

I always volunteered in my children’s classrooms when they were in elementary school. When they moved to middle school, I still wanted to volunteer, and found my home in the library. I loved our middle school librarian and learned so much working in the library. By learning, I mean that as long as I never looked up, never made a comment (like OH MY GAWD!), or gave any type of reaction, I could shelve books in the same area as kids talking right in front of me and they considered me INVISIBLE. I learned so much about what was REALLY going on in middle school. Now my kids will know that I did not have a sixth sense about things – I just heard it in the library.

My children love to read. I encouraged them to read as much as they could every summer. We visited the library weekly and they kept a list of the book titles, and number of pages they read. My younger daughter was a very early reader (due to soaking up everything her older sister was learning). Right before she started kindergarten, she and I had a special lunch at Cherrie’s Restaurant in Clemmons, NC. She was reading chapter books and told me about the book she was reading from the Babysitter’s Club – Little Sisters Series, where the main character had “Cereal Paisley” (Cerebral Palsy). And one summer, same child wanted to change her name to Violet and live in a Boxcar with no parents – she was reading the Boxcar Children’s books. Of course this is my creative child. Not that the other 2 are not creative, but they are more math/science kids. Still, they all love to read. I succeeded. As a matter of fact my younger daughter’s goal for this year is to read 30 books by her 30th birthday in November!

“Life is like a book. Some chapters sad, some happy, and some exciting. But if you never turn the page… you will never know what the next chapter holds.”

I love to read! Reading provides a wonderful escape from the realities of life. I lose myself in books. And truly, I want to be an author when I grow up. I want to be on the TODAY SHOW, interviewed about my best-seller. Hello,  Savannah and Hoda! Then you all can come to my book signings and I will introduce you to “my characters” – Ivy Jean, Mary Martin, and Shelby Jane (all Southern girls have to have strong first and middle names just in case they are ever in a beauty pageant!).

Reading is definitely something you can do SOLO. If you love to read, you will always be entertained and will never find yourself bored. You will always have an “escape”, a vacation from reality. And who doesn’t need a vacation? Right?

So go visit one of the wonderful independent bookstores or Barnes and Noble or the library. Become a Friend of the Library. Maybe they will know your name! Just READ!

See you next week!

Best,

Leslie

Life is a Garden! DIG IT!

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

“Father, plant something new in my life, a sprig of hope that will set me on my new course. Help me to live in the present, spending my emotional energies ON THIS MOMENT rather than squandering them in regrets about the past or anxieties about the future.”  Always know that Grace will continue to rain down on you and that will take the little sprig of hope and turn it into a beautiful tree of life. My prayer for you today. (from my dear girlfriend last year)

I have a little garden! My new maintenance-free neighborhood may take care of my lawn and snow, but this 8×10 patch is all mine. I have green beans, okra, tomatoes and cucumbers. There are 8 plots – I am #7.

I have loved gardening for over 30 years, since our first house in Winston-Salem, when our wonderful, older, next door neighbor Ralph helped me till up a big area at the back of our lot and plant a garden. Ralph had a huge garden. Since this was my first garden, he taught me how, when, and what to plant, and when to pick. He also taught me how to can green beans and tomatoes. Sidebar on Ralph: One day, I looked out my kitchen window and there was Ralph shaking out this huge net. I went out and said “Ralph, whatcha doing?” To which he replied in his great Southern drawl, “Testing my minner net.” “Huh? What’s a minner net for?” “To catch minners.” (Minnows – Ralph was also a fisherman.) “Ohhh ok. Good luck!”  I loved Ralph and his wife Nancy. They were like a second set of parents to me. Now their hound dog, Duke, was another story. His name did not sit well with me.

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”  Audrey Hepburn

I harvested a TON of green beans, squash, cucumbers, okra, peppers and many other veggies from that first garden. It always seemed that the night before we were going on vacation (back when I only went to the beach for one week in the summer!), my “crop” was in and I was up all night canning beans and tomatoes, which we would then eat throughout the winter. I love green beans – my favorite vegetable (and zero points for you Weight Watcher Peeps!). My kids grew up eating whatever came out of my garden. My dear son in law won’t let a green bean pass his lips but he loves okra. And when my godson (from Maryland) was a little boy, he always loved “Aunt Les’s green beans” (he was not Southern then, though he became Southernized when he went to Wake Forest.)

Once we moved out of that first house, I did not have a garden for 10 years. Then, after 5 years in Charlottesville, my sister and brother-in-law gave me a raised-bed garden for Christmas. They came over in the spring, built the raised bed on the side of my house, put in great soil and got it ready for me to plant. Once my garden started coming up, word spread through the local deer population that there was a buffet at the Madigans! Shut that buffet down the next day with a fence!

“Learn to embrace the storms in your life…for without rain nothing would grow.”

I loved the time I spent working in my gardens, picking beans, suckering tomato plants, watering, and just being outside. It was very soothing. I would cook a dutch oven full of green beans on Sundays that we would eat all week long. Of course I cooked them the good ole Southern way – several hours with some oil and salt, unlike my mom who fried fat back and put that in her beans (shudder!). It always cracked up my “northern” neighbors who were used to crunchy green beans that cooked in minutes – what’s with that? I remember sitting in church on Sunday morning as a child, my poor mother worrying every time the alarm would go off at the fire station next to our church, afraid it was our house on fire because she had left a big pot of green beans on the stove cooking all morning so they would be ready for Sunday lunch. Ya’ll did Sunday lunch, right? Roast beef or fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, sweet tea, and pie.

“The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love.  What seeds will you plant there?” Buddha

Last weekend I experimented with Cauliflower Rice from, you guessed it – Trader Joe’s. I sauteed some onion, red and purple bell peppers, and grey zucchini from the Farmer’s Market. I had a handful of green beans fresh out of my garden, but I did not have a long time (aka hours) to cook my beans. I have a confession (forgive me Father, for I might have sinned against my Southern roots) – I chopped up my green beans and sauteed them for about 10 minutes with the other veggies and the cauliflower rice, seasoned them with TJ’s Everything Bagel Seasoning, and it was FANTASTIC! And my UNsouthern green beans were great and crunchy. Does that mean I am becoming UNsouthern?!? OH Lawd help me!

“Don’t worry, just breathe. If it’s meant to be, it will find its way.”  Holly Kellums

Being outside in nature is such a great way to nourish your soul. If you cannot be by the ocean (where I am this week!) then just be outside. Two weeks ago, my daughter and I went on a “Big Woods Walk” at James Madison’s Montpelier, where she works. They have miles of free hiking trails up there! Montpelier’s horticulturist led us through the woods and I learned so much about the trees and nature around Montpelier. Do you have any idea how good breathing the air in a forest is for you? Even 5 minutes being in a forest lowers your blood pressure and your stress, boosts your immune system, and improves your mood. We hiked for 2 hours – I felt like a Million $$’s!

Before I end, I must remind y’all about the Christmas movies showing this week on the Hallmark Channel! I am watching one (no surprise there!) as I write this blog. It all ends this weekend. Don’t miss out!

And go find a forest or just go outside. It will improve your health and your outlook!

See you next week,

Best,

Leslie

HO HO HOLIDAY CHEER!

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

Let’s recap a couple of things you have learned about me from my blog: I am a sucker for a good Hallmark movie and summer is my favorite season. And anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE Christmas – the decorations, the Christmas Sweaters, the heavenly aroma of a fresh frasir fir tree, the Christmas lights that sparkle at night, the way life works out perfectly – wait, that only happens in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Good thing that Hallmark is celebrating CHRISTMAS IN JULY this week on the Hallmark Movie Channel and next week on the Hallmark Channel. Set those DVRs people! Yes, I’m in holiday heaven for 2 weeks! (Actually I am writing this as I sit on my back porch watching “Sound of Christmas.”) Oh and the Christmas music… ahhhh… I LOVE Christmas music. Ask my kids, come November 1st, it’s nothing but Carpenter Christmas in my CD player. Luckily, they don’t know it’s actually more like August 1st (or July to celebrate CHRISTMAS IN JULY)!

 

Christmas Sweater
100 degrees outside, freezing in my office…celebrating Christmas in July!

In the spirit of Christmas, I love to decorate – usually right after Thanksgiving (if not before!). I have 26 bins of Christmas decorations. This past Christmas I started thinking… a new house and a new life needed new decorations. I did not want to use the same ones I used in the past – that past was HISTORY. For the first time in 36 years, I spent Thanksgiving at the beach with my family and bought some beautiful new decorations at a wonderful shop in Murrells Inlet, Tweaked. (I love this store!) But first I had a problem… how to get my tree? This girl could not put a Christmas tree on top of her car, get it off and into the house SOLO… what to do? My son-in-law’s dear grandfather lives near me. He has a truck. So I called him and said, “Hey I need help getting my Christmas tree.” He responded, “Ok when do you want to get it and where?” I replied, “Well, how about now at Whole Foods. They plant a tree for every one they sell.” He said he would meet me there. Now, the funny part of this story is that he had no idea who he was meeting as I never said who I was and he never asked! Talk about Christmas Spirit! He was standing there at Whole Foods looking for a lady who needed help with a tree as I walked up. He greeted me warmly, helped me pick out a great tree (a frasir fir), loaded it in his truck, took it to my house, and put it in my new tree stand. What holiday cheer he shared with me. Little did I know then that he was surprised to see ME! He did not tell me this story until a month later. He is kind, in a wonderfully big way. My son-in-law comes from good people. My daughter is blessed. (As am I.)

“Being kind is more important than being right.”

The Christmas spirit brings out kindness in everyone. Just look at all the bell ringers for the Salvation Army. I have rung that bell many Christmases with my co-workers. And what about all the Angel Trees? And food drives? And family sponsorships? And what about those wonderful angels who anonymously pay off Christmas Layaways for families? Kindness… holiday cheer.

You never know what the person next to you is going through. Do they need a little “holiday cheer”? Look at me. Last year, few people knew that my life, as I had known it, had just imploded. I put a smile on my face and tried to get through each day. I searched for that “holiday cheer”. I consider myself a positive person. And a happy person. But it was hard to smile then. Yet so many people were so very kind to me – they showed me “holiday cheer”. Recently I was having a rare “down” day –  I have them every now and then, much less these days though. Unexpectedly, a co-worker said to me “Lester, you ok today?” (yes they call me Lester at work – don’t ask!) I thought I was hiding it pretty well. Guess not. But just the fact that he noticed I wasn’t myself and asked, put some “holiday cheer” in my day. The following day I was back to my positive self, smiling at everyone I passed running in the morning, looking for smiles in return.

“One kind word can change someone’s whole day.”

How true is this? Maybe you are the only person to speak kindly to someone all day. To share some “holiday cheer.” What a difference this can make in that person’s outlook. I encourage my children to perform a random act of kindness every day. It does not have to be anything major – hold the door open for someone, pay a compliment to someone who needs it, make a cup of coffee for a coworker, take someone’s newspaper to their door, share a smile. It can be small or large.

“The happiest of people don’t have everything they ever wanted in this life, they just make the most of everything that this life has given them. The happiest of people have known hurt, they have felt pain, they have cried so many tears, they never gave up, despite the knocks and they are always trying to make things a little bit better. The happiest of people truly understand that the sad times never last and that the good times will always last longer and will always be the ones worth remembering.” (Dave Hodges)

What if we shared some “holiday cheer”, not just in December, but all year long. Think how wonderful life would be if each one of us performed one random act of kindness every day. Think how happy our family circle would be… our friend circle… our neighbor circle… our work circle… our community circle… our world.

So go out today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and share some “holiday cheer”.  Perform one random act of kindness, even it if is just sharing a smile with someone. See what a difference it will make, not only in their day, but in YOURS.

Happy CHRISTMAS IN JULY y’all!  Only 165 days until we celebrate Christmas. There’s an app for that!

See you next week,

Best,

Leslie

A TANGLED WEB…

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

“OH what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” (Sir Walter Scott – bet you thought that was from Shakespeare! I remember Andy Griffith saying this to Barney…or was it to Opie?)

I have to admit…I helped my kids cheat in high school. And I lied. I lied on my kids’ band practice charts. (Sorry, Mr. Thomas!) To fulfil their Arts requirement in high school, all 3 kids, 3 years apart in school, were in the band (9th – 11th grades). Two flutes and a trumpet. Yes, 9 years of band concerts, fundraising for trips, and the practicing. Oh, the practicing. Part of their grade was based on the number of hours they practiced. My honor roll kids were not going to let band wreck their GPA’s, but my house (and my patience – remember I have zero patience) could not handle all the practicing. So I told them to write down what would get them a passing grade and I signed the charts. (Did I mention they were also in band for 3 years in middle school?!)

Harmless enough, right? Everyone will lie at some point – it is human nature. Some lies are not a breach of trust. “Honey does this make me look fat?” “No sweetheart, nothing could EVER make you look fat.” That’s a lie… but an understandable lie. Sort of. Of course, there are people you expect to always be honest with you, even in hard times. As a mom, I try to play that role for my kids. Even when I had to tell my middle-school daughter that she should take off that Gawd-awful electric-blue eye shadow she SMEARED on her eyes before school because it did not look as trendy as she thought it did. Is that what they call brutal honesty? She thought so at the time. She thanks me now.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” -Mark Twain

Of course, people you love are going to break your trust and lie to you at some point. And once that trust is broken, it is nearly impossible to restore. It can leave you searching for answers and explanations that you may never get. Why? How? When? Seeking these answers may seem like the only way to gain closure and move on, but it may also be the thing that is holding you back. This can be the hardest thing to realize: the reason you are not moving on is because you are waiting for “closure” – an explanation, an apology, the truth, anything. “If only I knew ‘this’, I’d be able to accept, process and move on.” We want to feel better. We want resolution. We want someone to blame. But this only holds us back.

Maybe the reason you are not getting over something is because you are waiting on these answers. But there will always be more questions. Ask yourself, do you really need (or want) the answers? If someone walks away leaving the door wide open, sometimes it is up to you to figure out how to close that door yourself. (Slam that door!)

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.” ― Shannon L. Alder

So, what do we do? We have to turn to ourselves and find ways to move forward. Collect inspirational quotes, maybe? Have those hard conversations in your head that you know will never be shared with the person meant for? Write a letter you know you will never send? Personally, I have found solace in this blog, and all of you. Truthfully, I appreciate all y’all reading my blog and sharing it with your friends and family. And I cannot tell you how much your comments on my blog posts and on my Facebook page, as well as your private messages and emails, mean to me. Please keep them coming! You have made this SOLO at SIXTY girl feel right special! (But remember I am NOT 60 yet!)

See you next week – get ready for some FUN!

Best,

Leslie

HELLO SUMMER!

Welcome back to SOLO at SIXTY!

June 21st… my favorite day of the year! Why? I thrive on sunlight and June 21st is the LONGEST day of the year! Also, June 21st is the first day of SUMMER (my favorite season). Bring on that heat and humidity! I will take the heat over the cold any day. As I said earlier, I have a space heater under my desk at work that runs every day of the year, and an electric blanket on the back of my chair for the times when the heater is not enough. Yes, I am cold. And I REALLY do not like winter and cold weather. So, every winter I promise not to complain about the heat and humidity once it arrives. And I wait patiently for summer. Ok, that is not true… I have no patience and I do not wait patiently. I LONG for summer and the LONG days of light. And here it is… and there it goes. Because tomorrow, June 22nd, we start losing minutes of light every day until December 22nd (right after the shortest day of the year)! It’s the great circle of light.

“BD” (Before Divorce) we made the most of those longer, lighter evenings. We would get home from work and go for a walk to reconnect. To talk about our day. To talk about our kids. To share some new exciting accounting regulation (we are both accountants). Our neighborhood had wonderful paved walking paths – around the lakes, the tennis courts, the pool, the basketball courts. We walked up to an hour on those evenings. And we held hands. (We ran in the mornings down the middle of the road, but walked on paths in the evening. Safety first!)

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” Walt Whitman

Who does not benefit from the sunlight? That natural Vitamin D that we all need. (So why am I deficient in Vitamin D and have to take it in pill form daily?) Sunshine just makes everyone happier. Ever notice how grumpy people are after a day or two of gloomy, rainy weather? One rainy day every now and then is ok, but couldn’t we have rain at night instead of daytime? As the late, great Karen Carpenter (who I loved!) once sang, “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down…”  (sidebar: I know the words to every Carpenter song… several years ago, our club was having the Legacy Challenge – games between employee teams – and part of it was playing the game “Don’t forget the Lyrics” where the song plays, stops and you must finish the lyrics. I was just going to watch until it was a Carpenter’s Song. I thought, “I can win this for our team!” So, I volunteered to compete. The song started and it was one I LOVED: “Hurting Each Other.” There I was, hamming it up big time as if I was Karen Carpenter… well… I got SO into this role that when the music stopped and I had to give the next line…  I could not remember where the song ended… and we lost. Never participating again!)

“Be the light for someone in their darkest hours.”

I was in a very dark place for several months. Yet I had so many people who brought light into my life. When my husband said he was leaving me right before the movers showed up to move us into our dream house (Friday May 13th, yes Friday the 13th), I called my sister who dropped everything, including a trip she and her husband had planned that day, and came to me. She saved my life. Literally. She and I unpacked every box, hung every picture and mirror, and placed every knick knack, book and photograph (none with my ex in them) on my new built-in bookshelves. At night we sat on my new back porch and drank wine and ate cheese straws and the lemon pound cake she had baked for her trip. We stayed up late and got up early (because I could not sleep) and by the time she left Sunday morning, my house was beautifully mine. My children… oh my wonderful children. I cannot say enough about how wonderful they have been. We ruined my oldest daughter’s birthday by telling her. She calls me every day on her way to and from work. After we told my middle child, she left, and later came back to my new house and spent the night with me – we had a sleepover. She and I do a lot together as she lives in Charlottesville. My sweet son – we had to tell him via phone (he lives too far away)….He called to make sure I was ok and has loved on me and been there for me. I adore my kids! (can you tell?!?!?)

“True Friends are those rare people who come to find you in the dark and lead you back to the light.”

My friends were wonderful too. I emailed my dear “old” next door neighbor (we were neighbors for 16+ years) who had moved to Kentucky (yes the one in the last blog who helped me when my Dad had a stroke) because at that point I could not verbalize anything. Started my email with “Sit down and be alone when you read this…” She immediately drove from Kentucky to be with me and helped me tell some of my girlfriends. One of those dear girlfriends called, texted, and sent me prayers – she had known a deeper loss in her life. These prayers worked. Another girlfriend brought me a bunch of dresses to wear to my 40th high school reunion (3 weeks after my separation) because she knew I was not in a shopping mood. (By the way, I did not tell anyone at the reunion – I wanted the reunion to be about old friends, not a broken heart. But I did have a GREAT time at my reunion!) My boss made an appointment with his attorney for me – I told him first, after all, he has been divorced several times and I figured he would know what I should do because as I told him – I had no clue. My sweet co-workers, worried about my first SOLO trip to the beach house, sent me off with a sand bucket full of wine, dark chocolate, a book, and other goodies. Another girlfriend from work and I would walk to the bank every afternoon just so I could “unload” … we still do this. She is a great listener. And Advisor. Several other out of town girlfriends came and spent weekends with me. WOW I have come a LONG way in a year and am so thankful for all the love and support I have received!

“No matter how bad things seem today, or how awful the situation…. the sun will rise and a new day will give another chance to start again.  There will always BE HOPE!”

 

This is so true. I told myself if I could just make it through the dark of night, I could survive the light of day. I was not sleeping. Some days I just got up at 4 in the morning and went to work… My dear friend (from Kentucky) told me to ask for God’s grace every day. According to her priest, God’s grace has a short shelf life and we need to ask for His grace every day. Sometimes I asked for it hourly. And I received it because here I am – stronger, happier, a survivor.

And here I am today, June 21st, at my happy place, surrounded by my wonderful kids, on my favorite day of the year. I could not be happier! Also, I want to wish a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to my dear college friends who are celebrating 37 years of marriage today! They know how to make marriage work. I should also be celebrating 37 years this August, but it ain’t happening y’all. And that’s ok.

“The Sun is alone too, but it still shines.”

I am blessed and lucky to be surrounded by so many caring, loving, supportive people from different areas of my life who helped me bring my “light” back. I have learned that I can find light in family and friendships which are the real prizes in life. And I have learned that sometimes the darkest times give way to the brightest moments. And even on those “dark” days, because I still have them, I know I can make my own light, SOLO. More on that coming up soon!

So get out there and shine. Share some of your light with others. And enjoy the length of this day… it won’t be light this long again for another year!

See you next Wednesday!

Best,

Leslie