Welcome back to SOLO AT SIXTY!

Time to LET IT GO!

Is there anyone on this planet who did not see the movie “FROZEN”? Remember the YouTube video of the mother in NC who threatened to kill the Frozen characters after listening to her child sing “LET IT GO” for 3 solid snow days? What good advice. NO, not killing the characters, but maybe Elsa was onto something: “LET IT GO”!

snow day

If you are in a relationship, you communicate with your partner daily – texting, emailing, calling, and just talking. Maybe it’s about how your day is going, how late you are working, what’s for dinner, what Hallmark movie you are going to watch that night (ok, maybe not that). Now, imagine you can no longer talk to, text, email, or call your partner anymore. Cord cut. Severed. Done. That was one of the hardest parts of my breakup because we texted, emailed, called and just talked so many times during the day. Every day. And in one day, there was just silence…no texting, no emailing, no calling, no talking…I was SOLO.

Many times this past year something funny would happen, or something that was applicable to “us”, and my first reaction was to pick up the phone and make a call. My sister became a grandmother to sweet baby Jack; our dear college friends became grandparents; Princess Leia died (we watched all the Star Wars Movies together); and the topper – I won the Clemmons Courier College Football Bowl Contest! What is the Clemmons Courier you ask? Well… it’s a weekly, world renown local paper (the size of a hefty church bulletin) from our home town of Clemmons, NC. And the most popular part of the paper in the fall and winter is the contest to guess the winners of that week’s football or basketball games, which I religiously enter each week. Of course, I always pick UNC and the Panthers to win, but if I don’t know the records of the other teams listed, I make my picks based on team name, mascot, uniform color, or if I know someone who went to that school or lived in that city. But it works! (Sometimes.)

Not willing to give up my North Carolina roots when we moved to VA, I continued my subscription to the Courier, even though it cost $5 more per year to get it out of state. The problem? Contest entries were due by 5:00pm on Friday afternoon, and my copy wasn’t even in my mailbox until a week later. Now remember, this was 1997, long before everything was at your fingertips on the internet, so I emailed the Contest Director asking when the Courier would go online so I could enter the contest. Bless his heart if he did not begin emailing me a copy of the contest every Thursday! I even made the headlines the next week: “Lovely Leslie of Charlottesville, VA cannot enter the Contest” (what was I saying about needing to let things go??). So I was back in the contest and the pressure was on. And believe it or not, I have won. Three times! My most recent win was this year’s College Football Bowl Contest, and I won $20 (uh-oh, I forgot to report that on my taxes!). But more importantly, I, “Lovely Leslie” won the coveted CAP of CAPS! And I wanted to share this with my best friend… only, I didn’t have that best friend anymore. So I called my kids and my sisters, bragged about it to my brother-in-law (another contest regular), emailed my friends, and my “best friend” never even knew. He would have gotten a real kick of out that.

“The truth about your heart. Your heart will fix itself. It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass. Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again. You need to convince your mind that it has to let go because your heart already knows how to heal.” — Nikita Gill

Moving on does not mean you forget what has happened… that will never be the case. It means you refuse to continue letting the hurt, anger, bitterness, and embarrassment control your life. It means you have found your strength. Trust me, there are still minutes, hours, days that I experience that horrible hurt again – the shards of glass cutting through my heart. Seems when I find myself in a really good place, something happens – I learn something, I see something, I hear something – and I am back in that hurtful place again. But I now know that I can claw my way back up. And I can LET IT GO!

How, do you ask? Forgiveness. I read somewhere: “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept an apology I never received.” So true! My decision to forgive was NOT for anyone but ME. And it took me a L O N G time to reach this point. Forgiving did not change the past – that will always remain. What it did was free ME, allowing ME to heal, to put the hurt, anger and bitterness that caused me so much pain in a box that I then buried. It allowed me to LET IT GO. Let go of the past and the past will let go of you.

“I’ve learned a lot this year. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. I learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or put back together the way they were before. I learned that some broken things stay broken, and I learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.”  (Jennifer Weiner – though I could have written this one!)

They say letting go means carrying a permanent scar, not a permanent wound.  I am scarred but no longer wounded, because I LET IT GO!

So if you find yourself in this position (and I pray you never do), remember, it is best to forgive – and if the person who hurt you has not asked for forgiveness – do it for YOU. This transfers the burden to them. Because you have LET IT GO!

“Let it go, let it go, Turn away and slam the door…..”

Slam that door!  See you next Wednesday!




“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea…..”  (Isak Dinesen)

So I talked about SWEAT and TEARS… now my favorite salt water… THE SEA!

The ocean cures all wounds, physical and emotional. Ever had a cut or scrape (or poison ivy?) and gone into the ocean only to have it heal much quicker than normal? The ocean will do that. Ever felt so low and lost that you are not sure how you will find your way again, then looked out at the ocean only to feel a calmness? The ocean will do that. The rhythmic ebb and flow, not to mention the size, will calm your soul and let you know that life is so much bigger than your problems. I have to admit right up front, I do NOT go far out in the ocean… I have seen too many sharks and have no desire to meet one up close. (Remember “JAWS”?!?!) But still… the beach is my favorite place on earth and the closest place to God for me. Nothing soothes the soul like a walk on the beach.

blog toes
Notice the polish color?  You’ll never believe the name — ready?  “WIFE GOES ON!” I kid you not!

Surfside Beach, a small family beach south of Myrtle Beach is my happy place.  When we were kids, my family vacationed at Surfside with 2 other families… We loved going to Surfside and staying in the true Beach Houses – those with no AC, big porches, and great names. One house we rented was the “PINK LADY”. I cannot remember why it was called the Pink Lady – I don’t even remember it being PINK! I guess my age is no secret here, so it should be no surprise that by this point the Pink Lady, and all the other old beach houses, are no longer standing, replaced with newer editions.  I have now come full circle back to Surfside Beach, where I have a house of my own. (By the way, we originally named the beach house “IT’S A SHORE THING,” however since we now know it was NOT a “shore thing”, I have changed it to “DON’T WORRY….BEACH HAPPY”!  Like it?)

“When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused.”      -Rainer Maria Rilke

The minute I step outside of my car and breathe in that salty, muggy, sultry, humid sea air at the beach, I am at peace.  You just cannot find this aroma anywhere else! I go to the beach as often as I can to renew my soul, rejuvenate my spirit, and refresh my outlook… and it works. Everything seems simpler at the beach: running, bike riding, even sleeping, and everywhere you go the happy beach people wave at you and say, “hey y’all” (and for “you guys” North of the border, if they are greeting more than two people it’s, “hey ALL y’all!”)

I am so thankful for my beach neighbors who have taken me in and helped me with so many issues surrounding beach house ownership – from having trees trimmed, to roof repairs after Hurricane Matthew, to giving me mothballs to get rid of a small snake in the storage area! (I do NOT do reptiles!) AND for telling me about the “Bendable Body Wand”  – a 14-inch wand that helps me get sunscreen on that hard-to-reach spot on the middle of my back! Unlike my teen years at Surfside, when Baby Oil counted as sunscreen, I am now strictly SPF30 or higher. The problem was reaching the middle of my back SOLO. Problem solved.

Proudly, I can say I have mastered many of the tasks I was not responsible for BD (Before Divorce)!  I changed the AC filters in the house, got my cable bill lowered, and figured out how to charge, lock, and secure the cover on my golf cart.  Believe me, this is no easy task for a 5’2” woman to do SOLO!

I have also become an excellent power washer – power washing everything I can find and reach – including the beach bikes. As much as salt air heals my soul, it does cause damage to some things, like handlebars. But, a little elbow grease and car wax and Voila! Rust is gone and the bikes are good as new, like me! However, this time I did not do everything SOLO…..my patient brother-in-law (who is more like a brother to me) provided a little extra elbow grease and taught me how to use the air compressor to pump up all the bike tires. Asking for his help was a great lesson for me.  Being SOLO does not mean I am invincible and accepting help doesn’t make me less independent. Everybody needs a hand getting the air back in their tires sometimes.

But my favorite part of the beach is being ON the beach – sunbathing, reading, sleeping, walking, people watching and clucking – what is clucking you ask?  Well, have you ever seen someone walking down the beach, head down, eyes trained on the sand, every now and then dropping down to pick up that special shell?  That’s clucking –  similar to a chicken pecking.  I LOVE seashells and have learned so much about the different types – Olives, Augurs, Limpets, Slipper Shells, Cockles… I have them displayed in vases everywhere: the beach house, my office, my Charlottesville house, even my kids have some on display in their homes. I am addicted. I look for seashells every day at the beach. But even more exciting than a great seashell is a shark’s tooth. My best friend growing up and I were professional shark’s teeth hunters when we visited Surfside as kids.  Though I usually find more (with my eagle eyes – can’t hear worth a darn, but I sure can see), my personal goal is to find at least 1 shark’s tooth each day. Here are a few “treasures” from my recent weekend at the beach.


blog treasures
Look at all those Sharks’ Teeth!


Now the big question… do I retire and move to Surfside, or will it lose the “retreat” feel for me if I live there full-time?  Fortunately, (or not?) I don’t have to make that retirement decision yet, although truly I would LOVE to live in Chapel Hill for a couple of years and be surrounded by Tar Heel fans (and all that beautiful CAROLINA BLUE)… but that is a topic for another day!

“All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came.” -John F Kennedy (who would have been 100 years old Monday, May 29th)

So head to the ocean, get your sweat on, have a good cry and HEAL!  I did!



See you next Wednesday!


Welcome back to SOLO AT SIXTY!

“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea…..”  (Isak Dinesen)

My last post was about SWEAT… today I want to talk briefly about TEARS…

TEARS – A good cry is often a reaction to and a release of pain and sadness….  “The RAIN falls because the cloud can no longer handle its weight.  The TEARS fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain.”  Believe me, I have felt pain like no other this past year, and have cried many tears.  I have learned that you cannot always control your tears and that is OK.  My family and friends have held my hand, given me shoulders, and just let me cry.  I am not embarrassed by it anymore.  It just is.

I have now come to the end of all of my “Solo Firsts”…First Beach trip solo, First Family Vacation with a smaller family, First 4th of July (our first date was on the 4th of July in 1979), First wedding anniversary not celebrating, First birthday with no contact (thankful for my kids, sisters, friends and my special co-workers who decorated my office!), First Thanksgiving not going to my in-laws, First Christmas card with just the kids and me, First Christmas, First New Year’s Eve, First Valentine’s Day, First ACC Tournament, First NCAA Basketball Tournament (but enjoyed watching these alone!), First Easter, First Anniversary of moving into my new home by myself.  I did my best to preserve most of “our family” traditions, but I started some new ones too. It was hard, it was emotional, there were tears, but I made it. As my girlfriends say, I “survived and thrived!”

I love this quote by Rose Kennedy:

“It has been said that time heals all wounds.  I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it’s sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

This I verily believe (sounds like a Moravian liturgical response!).

There are things in life that will always make me tear up: sappy movies, especially Hallmark and/or Christmas movies (who hasn’t cried during “You’ve Got Mail” or “Miracle on 34th Street”?), a song on the radio that brings back memories (especially now – hard to relive some memories), and saying goodbye to someone. There is a church hymn I can never sing without crying. (“Here I am Lord, is it I Lord? I have heard you calling in the night…” I know I am not alone here).  I hear the first bars of that song in church and I am a goner.  And it is ok.

An “old” friend reminded me over dinner last weekend (as we were discussing this blog) that not all tears are the result of pain and sadness. Happiness also brings on tears.  Even he has cried over experiences with his children.  (Tears are NOT limited to females – Ladies, don’t you love a man who is not afraid to shed tears?! Except maybe those on the Bachelorette!)  The births of my three children and the marriage of my oldest  daughter all brought tears, but were the result of sheer happiness! Not to mention tears at all of their college graduations. Of course, this happiness could have been the result of knowing I just got a big raise (no more tuition payments!)  BUT…..it also meant no more visits to Chapel Hill – Top of the Hill…..no more visits to Wrightsville Beach – Dockside and the Oceanic.   So maybe there were a few sad tears in there after all…

In the beginning of this “new journey” I cried a lot. For a while, I could not tell anyone my husband left me because I could not verbalize it without tears.  Then I could.  And I did.  And a funny thing happened: it was not me who was crying, but the people I was telling… I was comforting them and in so doing, their tears eased my pain.  Because not one person I told said, “I saw that coming.” Not one.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not go around blubbering, and I never cry myself to sleep (not that there’s anything wrong with that, except puffy bloodshot eyes the next morning. Anyone have tips for that??) Sometimes a good cry is just what the doctor ordered. And a good place for a good cry is in the shower!  Try it!

Just be salty! Take a shower and have a good cry!



“sweat, tears, or the sea” continues next Wednesday with my favorite – the sea!


Welcome back to SOLO AT SIXTY!

“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea…..”  (Isak Dinesen)

I truly believe this… Over the next couple of weeks I will share with you how each of these have helped “cure” me.

First off, SWEAT – I always feel better after a workout (no one ever said “I wish I had not worked out”)! When I come back to the office after a run, I feel like a new person.  Sweating through hard workouts eases my stress.  As my sweet mother would always say to me after my runs – “Do you think running brings out the poisons in your body?”  to which I replied – “HUH?  Are you trying to tell me I stink?”  And she, with all of her grace and compassion, would reply “YES”!  So maybe that’s the  secret: sweating cleans out the poisons in your body.

I prioritize my workouts each week and know that I will be a happier person (and a better team member) if I get in at least one good workout each day.  I am a planner and I love having a routine– so I look at the weather at the beginning of the week to plan my running days, indoor cycle classes for rainy days, step, athletic conditioning, body pump and yoga classes for the week.  I have so much flexibility now that I live alone – I can come and go whenever I want to and take classes whenever I want to!  And of course I am spoiled because I work for the best Fitness Center (acac) and have so many options available to me.

I love running….you can lose yourself when you run….After I moved to my dream house in a wonderful maintenance-free neighborhood,  I had to find a new running route.  And I had to get my “running mojo” back. BD (before divorce!) we used to run together every morning at 5 am….yes at O DARK HUNDRED!  And we ran in our neighborhood right down the middle of the street – I mean, who else is out at 5 am running?!?!?  Well actually there were a lot of other people out there! After almost running smack dab into the other crazy people out in the dark, we had to get arm band lights to alert others we were coming. Still, every morning there we were.  Suddenly, in a new neighborhood, in a new house by myself, what had once been routine was now a struggle. So I had to make a change.  First:  a new route (thanks to my middle daughter), what I now call my “office route.” A wonderful six-mile tour through Charlottesville’s Best: The Downtown Mall, “The Corner” & “Grounds” (Looking at you, UVA folks), and around the football stadium. I keep saying I am going to find another route, but I like the fact that I don’t have to think about where I am going – it is just routine.  I don’t listen to music when I run…I THINK. I have lots of conversations in my head (that I would LOVE to verbalize but know I never will), plan my day, pray for everyone on my list, and keep saying “look up” to all the students looking at their phones so we don’t collide!!  I feel totally safe because there are always other people out running/walking/going to class.  And I love it when Charlie, who is an acac member and drives a city bus, blows his bus horn at me when he sees me.  It is amazing how you often see the same people running, or eating outside at Bodo’s (if you’ve never eaten at Bodo’s Bagels you must!), or walking to work at the hospital.

I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather (I keep a heater on under my desk year round). Luckily, I found many warm days this winter to get in my runs outside instead of being forced onto the dreaded treadmill. My favorite running time is summer – there is no thought as to what you are going to wear – it is just a tank top and shorts because it is hot and you can’t wear less!  Otherwise, if the weather is in the 40’s it means several layers, headband for my ears, and gloves…..50’s are long sleeves, 60’s short sleeves, and 70’s and above – ahhhhhh – tank top and shorts! (I only agree to run when it is in the 30’s if my oldest daughter is in town – no one else can get me out there in the cold.)   And no more running at 5am for me!  I get to my office by 6:30 am, then leave sometime mid morning or early afternoon, depending on the weather and my schedule, to get my run in and a nice break from the workday.  Much better! OH and thank you (and HAPPY BIRTHDAY) to my oldest daughter for running with me after my “move”  to help me get my “running mojo” back!

I also know that weightlifting is so important to women for better, stronger bones.  My middle daughter and I work out with a wonderful personal trainer once a week….this definitely makes a big difference in my strength!  I am not one to go out on the weight floor and lift by myself. It is a bit overwhelming with so much equipment available and I would have to “think” not “just do”…..it is much easier when our trainer sets us up and tells us exactly what to do.  However, I do love Body Pump classes – weights for each part of the body with good music in an orderly routine. And I always get to class early and set up my weights in the same spot.  (Did I mention I like routine?) So between personal training and body pump, I try to get in weights at least twice a week.  I am not a big cyclist but I do cross train with at least one cycle class a week and love it when I can get a step class in.  Step is my “fun” class that lets me relive my high school cheerleader days!  And we have the best step teachers at acac!

After being sidelined with hamstring problems, I make it a habit to stretch and roll my hamstrings after every run or class.  And Yoga helps as well!  YOGA…..ahhhhh……the necessary evil that always seems to fall to the wayside when I run out of time, but it should not.  I always feel much better after a good yoga class, and they have been so beneficial. Can you believe this 5’2” girl could barely touch her toes before? Although this may not surprise anyone, the most trouble I have in a yoga class is staying quiet! I have a hard time going that long without talking to “my neighbor.” Focusing on the flow and routine of the class gets me through to the final savasana.  For the longest time, at the end of every yoga class, I thought the instructor was saying “have a nice day, have a nice day”…so I was bowing my head saying to everyone around me “have a nice day”…..not until I had a lululemon bag with NAMASTE on the side did I realize, “OMG I am supposed to say NAMASTE, not have a nice day”!

So go out and get your SWEAT on and see how much better you feel!  And always stretch after…..

Namaste (or… have a nice day),


“sweat, tears, or the sea” continues next Wednesday!


Welcome to “SOLO at SIXTY!”  This blog is to encourage and motivate women in all stages of life, though it may appeal more to the “mature” ladies…..This “mature” lady will be 60 this year….60!!!  WOW!  But like they say, 6 and 0 is better than 5 and 9…..or 6 and 0 is better than 6 below!  I plan to embrace 60 with all the grace and gusto I can find.

This has been a rollercoaster of a year for me…..this time last year I was married….for almost 36 years to my college sweetheart…..and now, I am divorced.  Words I thought would never come out of my mouth – “I am divorced”.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think my marriage would end….but it did.  I have survived and grown in these last 12 months thanks to  my wonderful 3 children (the absolute best kids in the world), my 2 sisters (could not make it without my sisters), my Mom (when she remembers), my girlfriends (we all need GF’s), my friends (I have wonderful friends), my co-workers (I work with the best people), my job (I love my job) and my church.

So what have I learned this year?  Well I thrive on motivational sayings and love to share them:

“You either get bitter or you get better….it’s that simple.  You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.”   
(Josh Shipp)

I CHOSE to MOVE ON and get better!  And I have……My ex-husband actually did me a favor.

So….background on me…..I am originally from NC (true Southern Girl)….went to college at The University of NC Chapel Hill and Wake Forest University.  Lived in NC until 20 years ago when we moved our family to VA for 2-4 years and yet,  20 years later I am still here (happily I might add) in Charlottesville, VA.  I am the mother of 2 daughters and a son who I respect and adore.  I am the “middle child” to 2 wonderful sisters.   I love my job – I have worked as the “numbers” person at acac Fitness and Wellness Centers for more than 16 years – I produce the financial statements.

What do I like?  Spending time with my kids, THE National Basketball Champions – THE NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS, the beach, running, reading, working out, yoga, Hallmark Movies, and now I am getting back into tennis, taking lessons at acac with my daughter. In other words, I love to work out and stay busy and I work at the perfect place for both. Life is good!

Tune in again for motivation and encouragement and hopefully entertainment!